The Importance of Holding Space

1516Holding space for someone going through trauma, illness, grief or anything that shocks them out of themselves is vital to their healing. What is this you might ask? Holding space in this context, is simply the act of being there for someone with an open heart, with complete love and without judgment. Being present for them in any way you can…..it can be as simple as just sitting in silence with them or holding their hand. When you come from heart, love and acceptance, the most amazing healing can happen.

I have had the privilege of both being the recipient of and giver in holding space and it is truly amazing the healing that occurs for both the receiver and the giver in these moments.

As some of you may know when I was 6 months pregnant with my first baby, my father passed away very suddenly. This event, shook my world to its core. My father, my love, my soul mate had died and would no longer walk this earth with me…..I found it hard to breath and only held it all together because I had this remarkable life growing inside of me. After a few months, my beautiful Lilli was born 10 days early and I was overwhelmed with love and joy for this angel. Life felt like it was getting back on track. One month after my baby girl blessed my life, my mother passed away. Again, the wind was taken out of me….how, how would I survive this? How could I ever live in a world where the two people who loved me unconditionally had suddenly left me? Who was I? I questioned everything and yes I fell into a state of depression. My world turned grey and I just couldn’t see past my grief and my loss. I knew I had this beautiful baby girl who I loved more than life and I was there for her and I played with her and I cherished her but when we were apart, my life was grey….

When Lilli was about 5 months, my husband, (God I love that man), came to me and said “Deena, there is a mother’s group for new mums not far from us, I think it would be good for you to go to it and get out of the house” I resisted for a while but eventually went and it was the best decision……we met for the first time at the clinic, with a nurse and she discussed the value of these groups etc. We decided as a group to meet every fortnight. I remember thinking when I left, “Geez, will they ever want me back? I’ll just bring the whole group down” but I went back the next fortnight. At this time, I wasn’t doing much talking to anyone and I would go and sit with Lilli and just nod and smile politely but never say a word for fear I would just burst into tears. These remarkable ladies asked me back the next fortnight and kept on asking me back every fortnight after and I would just sit quietly and observe everything that was happening and not say a word. Each time I left I thought, “Why are they asking me back” but their love, kindness and acceptance kept me going back every fortnight. No one ever asked me what was wrong, no one ever judged me, they just accepted me and my Lilli for who we were. After several months of going, I started talking again and I started to see colours in the world again. It was like slowly a veil was lifting, that heavy grey veil was becoming thinner with each visit to my mother’s group. Without knowing, they gave me exactly what I needed, a place to feel loved and accepted for who I was in that exact moment. They held this amazing space for me and I will forever be grateful to them for that. This simple act facilitated the start of my healing process. I often think of those women and say a silent prayer of thanks for the universe bringing them into my life.

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Holding space for someone going through a trauma, or difficult times does not have to be an elaborate gesture, you just need to come from a place of love and acceptance for who they are and the journey that they are on.

Namaste xXx

 

 

Grief and Letting Go

GriefAngel1The loss of a loved one can be devastating, it can cripple you. The death of my parents did just this. I felt like I couldn’t breath…..my world crumbled and I clung to anything, to anyone that would keep me afloat; to anything that would give my life some meaning and help ease the pain of the grief. Grief is defined as an intense sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death. It is the deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement. This is how I felt when they left this earthly plane. The moment I knew their feet would not walk this earth as mine do, the moment I knew they would not breath the same air that I do……the physical pain of their loss was so tangible, so real and so raw….

But this blog isn’t about how I clung to my little baby girl for survival this is about the journey I am on now. The journey of release…..I am working on clearing away and letting go of the grief I have held onto for far too long. It has taken me 10yrs to realise that letting go of my parents doesn’t mean letting go of their memory, it simply means letting go of the attachment to the physical earth plane. In letting go, we will all be able to move forward and be whole. It means standing in my own personal power, being brave and strong enough to live in this world but still being soft and gentle enough with myself, my children, my husband, my friends and family and to know when to ask for help and rely on others.

I’m terrified and excited and feel extremely vulnerable but the universe has been gently nudging me in this direction and guiding me to release. So here I am, arms outstretched willing to lean how to let go and be whole not only for me, but for my parents and for my gorgeous baby girl who so bravely and lovingly supported me xXx

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Images: The Angel of Grief and from www.glogster.com

New Moon in September 2013

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New Moon Blessings! The New Moon is the perfect time to set intentions, desires and goals.
This New Moon is in Virgo and the question Virgo asks us is “Do we know who we are?” Well, this couldn’t be a more perfect question for me at this moment. For me, this Virgo New Moon, is bringing together all I have been learning and growing into. There have been so many major shifts this year, that we have all expereinced, but for me I feel layers shedding, peeling away to reveal me, my authentic self. Do you feel that too?
With these powerful shifts has come such deep healing. Tears have been shed that have been held onto for far too long. Tears for the loss of my mother. Grief that has been held onto for 9 yrs is finally being released. In its place, honour, gratitude and love pours forth not only for my mother but also for the healing that is happening within me. How beautiful, how delicious, how incredibly humbling and nurturing.
With this in mind, my intentions for this New Moon will be to continue to heal, to continue to spread love and joy to others, to continue combining my passion and work with service and to continue being my authentic self.
Namaste xXx